adminWhat is assertiveness, and how do I become more assertive?
A lot of people confuse being assertive with being aggressive, making those with a gentle nature to be averse to being assertive.
Now, assertiveness is being able to relay your message to others pleasantly and un-apologetically whilst getting things done, and without being afraid to offend people. It encompasses being aware of what your highest priorities are, and being able to say “no” to things you do not agree with, or do not want to do.
Steven Covey in The Seven Habits of Effective people says, “We say ‘yes or no’ to things daily, usually many times a day“. A center of correct principles and a focus on our own personal mission empowers us with the wisdom to make those judgments. Being able to effectively organize and execute around balanced priorities in your life is the essence of effective time and life management.
Acknowledging you need to be more assertive is the first step in addressing the question of “how do I become more assertive?” You can be more assertive; all you need to know is how to do it.
Recognizing your nature
The first step is to know your own nature, and to identify the stumbling blocks that may be preventing you from becoming the assertive person that you long to be.
You need to understand those underlying issues and to learn the ability to get the most out of your encounters with people you interact with in your business.
Most people have predominantly either an aggressive or passive nature; but you can be in control of which nature takes dominance in your every encounter. Before you can develop an assertive nature, you must understand it before assertive behaviors can be developed.
When we talk about passive behavior, this is when someone suppresses their own character, needs and opinions in situations. They find it difficult to express their own opinions and tend to ‘submit’ to other people’s will. Passive people will do anything to avoid conflict situations at their own expense. They do not do well around aggressive people and situations.
Someone who is aggressive tends to be annoyed and confronts other people whenever things do not go as they planned it. Some people will react negatively to aggressive behavior and will completely stop co-operating because they do not feel appreciated or valued. Results often get achieved by the aggressive person.
As being the first step, recognize your own nature and identify what may be stopping you from becoming the assertive person you want to be in your business. Assertiveness can bring about actions and issues can often be addressed more timely instead of just being ignored. Passiveness overlaid by assertiveness can ensure that the ideas which you would never have explored get to be heard.
The aggressive person also needs to overlay their aggression with passiveness. This can be done by softening your approach to situations. Without the forcefulness, people will be more willing to work with you and be ready to respond to you.
The way to achieve assertiveness is by knowing that you have the right to be assertive and to be heard, while as an aggressive person you need to realize that others have the same right as you do and it is not all just about you or your ideas.
The simple way to assert yourself involves three things. These are:
1. Describe the problem
2. Express what effect this is having on you
3. Specify what you want and what you want someone else to do in order to correct the issue at hand
If you remember and do these three things consistently you can start to become more assertive in your approach.
It important to focus on your desire. If you can repeat and remember these responses, get them ingrained in your head, they ultimately become second nature to you.
When working to be assertive consider the following things:
a. Add to your social skills
How do I become more assertive in business and in a social setting?
If you want to make the best in any situation that you find yourself in, learn to appreciate that the amount of effort you put in will be directly related to your effectiveness. In either a business or social setting, it helps to ask questions as a first step to taking more of an active part. You can also give opinions in such a way that others can respond favorably.
b. Your Attitude
If you feel your resolve waiver, it is helpful to pair up with another person who is working on the same issues for mutual support. You can discuss the issues you are working on and give each other some useful feedback as you both work on the changes in your lives.
Having someone around you to help lift you up when you feel you are backsliding can help you stay on the right track through the support and encouragement that they give you. This will be of a great help to you.
You can also consider signing up for assertiveness skills training, which I will now discuss.
Assertiveness skills training can benefit you
The benefits of assertiveness skills training can never be underestimated as it helps you to understand that you have the right as a human being to live as pleasant a life as possible and that you have the right to express your opinions as much as anyone else.
When you understand the power of being more assertive, your life will become far more productive.
Once you understand the benefits of overcoming passivity from the assertiveness skills training you get, you will be able to stop others from walking all over you and you will find it easier to ask people to do things and get them done.
Through assertiveness skills training, not only will you gain self-confidence, and be able to therefore give more and gain more from your relationships with others. Being able to get your viewpoints accepted by others, and saying ‘no’ and sticking to it, not giving in to external pressure is how I become more assertive.
For a person who is passive, once they grasp the way to be assertive, self- esteem and self-assurance will increase. And for the aggressive person, the benefits of becoming assertive include feeling less frustrated and learning more from other people’s opinions and getting things done in calmer and less frantic ways.
Hope you enjoyed reading this article. Please feel free to leave your comments below.